Lancaster County PA Realty Check: Musings From Steven Wright

As something of an aspiring wordsmith myself, I like to read the thoughts of writers who pay attention to words that other people use without much thought.  Comedian George Carlin is certainly a humorous observer of language.  Norm Crosby creatively butchers English.  One of my personal favorites is Steven Wright.  Here are some of my favorite quotes:

A lot of people are afraid of heights.  Not me.  I'm afraid of widths.

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

When they asked George Washington for I.D., do you think he just whipped out a quarter?

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent press" clothes?  I don't get it.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same roon and let them fight it out.

How young can you die of old age?

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.

I had a friend who was a clown.  When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.